John Paxson Should Have His Very Own Episode Of "Shaqtin' a Fool" For This Circus Troupe He Calls A Basketball Team

117-100. I've been sitting here since last night trying to conjure up a narrative that paints the score of last night's season opener for the Bulls in a positive light. I was hoping I could say, "Hey! At least the Cubs won. Half of Chicago wasn't watching anyways." I was hoping we could all be distracted enough to prolong this realization that the Bulls have reverted back to the Tim Floyd era just a bit longer-- but Kike Hernandez and his banana ruined that. At least I sat through the entire Bulls dumpster fire of a game so you guys didn't have to deal with two blowouts at the same time. And not only did I do that for you last night, I'll be doing it for you all year! This is the silver lining I came up with. Congratulations! Last night at the Air Canada Centre, for the first time in about five or six years of knowing (without seeing irrefutable proof), the Bulls organization was exposed for being exactly what it is-- GARBAGE. The Chicago Bulls are the "process" without the excitement, enthusiasm, or promise a "process" brings. They are the worst team in basketball, and will be for some time.

So what in the hell is really going on?

Why are they so bad? Well, let's start with the fact the Bulls have an even worse bench than we thought. The Bulls' second unit allowed 23 points while only scoring five in their first seven minutes on the floor together. And if you thought the bench was the only thing wrong with this team, think again. I watched this piece of shit for you remember? TRUST ME. And if you don't trust me, perhaps you'll trust our friendly neighbors up north writing for the Toronto Sun who had this to say about the Bulls starters--

Chicago’s starting five consisted of nine-year vet Robin Lopez and a bunch of guys who would either come off the bench for every other NBA team or, in some cases, occupying a seat on that same bench with garbage time likely the only hope to see the floor.

I'll just leave that alone and let you guys digest it however you'd like. Moving on to John Paxson and the bunch, let's just say having someone like Jordan Bell would be nice right now wouldn't it?

Especially considering that two of our power forwards are out due to a little practice squabble that escalated into Nikola Mirotic now walking around with a face that is possibly no longer a face, but ground taco meat. Long story short, we really need depth, and something tells me the Jordan Bell deal will come back to haunt Gar/Pax in ways they never could have conceived when it was executed on day two of the draft. You'd think acquiring as much talent and future draft picks as possible would be paramount for a rebuilding team, but not to this one. Oh no. Equity is far more important. What the fuck does "equity" have to do with anything you ask? Shit, I don't even know, I'm just repeating what our dumb ass vice-president of basketball operations said on Thursday during an appearance on the Mully and Hanley Show on 670 The Score, via Cody Westerlund of CBS Chicago.

"We had our board up there, and we were sitting there with Jerry and Mike [Reinsdorf] and we said, 'Here's five players in the second round that we really value,'" Paxson said. "And when we got to that pick, those five players were gone. And you know, sometimes when you're dealing in a situation with where you are looking ahead to the future, you have to build up some equity with decisions that you make."

Go on...

"Sometimes you have to take a opportunity where you build equity within the organization for future decisions,"

Ahhh, there it is... Welp, good luck with that John, appreciate'chya. Hope that equity in the form of a fucking ham sammich tastes reeeaaaal good. Perhaps if the Bulls were properly staffed they would have known what they had in Bell. But no, this rebuilding team doesn't have their house in order in that regard either. Yes, it's even worse than you thought.

Wow.

Welp, if nothing else, at least THAT makes sense, unlike anything this organization says or does. After watching last night's game I was only able to say one thing with 100% certainty. This organization doesn't deserve us. Not long after realizing that, I found myself reminiscing back to 2008 when the Bulls took the Celtics to game 7 in the playoffs, which was possibly the most fun I've ever had watching playoff basketball. Even though we lost I remember thinking, "man, this team is different. I'm excited to be a Bulls fan." Yeah... I miss those days...