Since news has broken that there will be a movie documenting the Chicago Cubs World Series championship, a few websites have weighed in on who should be cast to play certain Chicago Cubs players. To be quite honest with you, some of them are really REALLY good but most of them are completely off.
Daniel Day Lewis as Javier Baez? (I'm looking at you Sports Illustrated.)
Now I'm not saying that my casting skills are anything special but I thought I'd throw my two cents into the casting question of, "Who should be cast to play the 2016 Chicago Cubs."
If you add about 15 years of age with some handy makeup, Wesley looks just like Theo Epstein.
I only envision Theo making an appearance in the movie during the final scene pounding bottles of champagne in the locker room immediately after the Game 7 win.
Sober up, Paul.
Before you throw a shit-fit, hear me out on this one.
Both are big dudes (Vaughn 6'5"/Rizzo 6'3") and both are absolutely hilarious. I'm also pretty sure Vaughn has never seen a role that required him to dance around a locker room half naked jumping around to the theme song from "Rocky" either.
Odds are most of you have never heard of Vitar unless I share with you the most famous role of his career.
Benny the Jet from "The Sandlot."
Even though he's a grown man now, the swagger that Vitar exuded through the Benny character matches up perfectly with Baez's silky smooth demeanor.
I'd also request that Javy wears some PF Flyers at some point in the movie as well.
The easy pick here would have been the dude that played Thor but when I started thinking about who would play Bryant, one name kept popping in my head -- Paul Walker. Unfortunately, Walker tragically died four years ago but his brother, Cody, is eerily similar looking to Paul.
Let's hope he can replicate that famous back foot slide during the last out of the World Series as well.
Look, they may have to check Addy's availability when they are shooting this movie because there is literally nobody I can think of that would be able to play his role. One option was Trevor Noah but for the life of me, I just can't see it.
(And no, you can't cast a Ninja Turtle to play Russell.)
Statham will probably have to lose the British accent for this role but his no-nonsense demeanor in most of his films makes him the perfect fit to play the bulldog, Jon Lester.
I'm pretty sure Blizerian has absolutely zero acting experience but he looks exactly like Arrieta (plus the dude is shredded) so I think he'd be a great fit to play the role of Jake the snake.
Both men also have a very "Yes, I'm kind of a dick but I'm ok with that" vibe about each of them so that's pretty perfect as well.
If you put a 5'O'clock shadow on Steve Austin, he's the best pick to play David Ross. He's already got the remote southern accent going on for him so that's already taken care of.
I also wouldn't be opposed if there was a scene with Austin standing on a locker room bench slamming two beers together after winning Game 7 and pouring them all over himself.
Please note that this is the "larger" version of Chris Pratt before he lost 60 pounds that will be cast to play Kyle Schwarber. For some reason I can also see Pratt screaming "SUCK MY D#CK!" at the Cubs dugout after getting a single during Game 1 of the World Series.
Once Mahershala grows a beard, he's the best Jason Heyward option there is. Plus, the dude just won an Oscar so why not ride the hot streak and put him as the role of the man who gave the most important speech in Chicago Cubs history?
The skateboarding God not only looks like World Series MVP Ben Zobrist, he also carries some of that "small town charm" swagger with him that Zobrist has become so loved for. Plus you need a guy who's athletic enough to come dancing into the infield like a little sprite after the last out of Game 7 was recorded.
The man who played David Ruffin in "The Temptations" has to be the best call to play Game 7 winner Aroldis Chapman. I've actually never seen Robinson throw a baseball but I'm sure he'd do a great job at giving up a game-tying home run in the 8th inning and having all Cubs fans curse him out.
Slap some black glasses on Sheen and mess his hair up a little bit and I think you've found your Cubs skipper. I think Sheen may have to smoke some dope to get that calming demeanor that Maddon has but that's something I'm sure he'd be willing to do to get into the role.
C'mon, he's Charlie Sheen's father.
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Big shout-out to Period E for the input on the actors.
Paul Wesley as Theo Epstein
If you add about 15 years of age with some handy makeup, Wesley looks just like Theo Epstein.
I only envision Theo making an appearance in the movie during the final scene pounding bottles of champagne in the locker room immediately after the Game 7 win.
Sober up, Paul.
Vince Vaughn as Anthony Rizzo
Before you throw a shit-fit, hear me out on this one.
Both are big dudes (Vaughn 6'5"/Rizzo 6'3") and both are absolutely hilarious. I'm also pretty sure Vaughn has never seen a role that required him to dance around a locker room half naked jumping around to the theme song from "Rocky" either.
Mike Vitar As Javier Baez
Odds are most of you have never heard of Vitar unless I share with you the most famous role of his career.
Benny the Jet from "The Sandlot."
Even though he's a grown man now, the swagger that Vitar exuded through the Benny character matches up perfectly with Baez's silky smooth demeanor.
I'd also request that Javy wears some PF Flyers at some point in the movie as well.
Cody Walker as Kris Bryant
The easy pick here would have been the dude that played Thor but when I started thinking about who would play Bryant, one name kept popping in my head -- Paul Walker. Unfortunately, Walker tragically died four years ago but his brother, Cody, is eerily similar looking to Paul.
Let's hope he can replicate that famous back foot slide during the last out of the World Series as well.
Addison Russell as Addison Russell
Look, they may have to check Addy's availability when they are shooting this movie because there is literally nobody I can think of that would be able to play his role. One option was Trevor Noah but for the life of me, I just can't see it.
(And no, you can't cast a Ninja Turtle to play Russell.)
Jason Statham as Jon Lester
Statham will probably have to lose the British accent for this role but his no-nonsense demeanor in most of his films makes him the perfect fit to play the bulldog, Jon Lester.
Dan Bilzerian as Jake Arrieta
I'm pretty sure Blizerian has absolutely zero acting experience but he looks exactly like Arrieta (plus the dude is shredded) so I think he'd be a great fit to play the role of Jake the snake.
Both men also have a very "Yes, I'm kind of a dick but I'm ok with that" vibe about each of them so that's pretty perfect as well.
Stone Cold Steve Austin as David Ross
If you put a 5'O'clock shadow on Steve Austin, he's the best pick to play David Ross. He's already got the remote southern accent going on for him so that's already taken care of.
I also wouldn't be opposed if there was a scene with Austin standing on a locker room bench slamming two beers together after winning Game 7 and pouring them all over himself.
Chris Pratt (big version) as Kyle Schwarber
Please note that this is the "larger" version of Chris Pratt before he lost 60 pounds that will be cast to play Kyle Schwarber. For some reason I can also see Pratt screaming "SUCK MY D#CK!" at the Cubs dugout after getting a single during Game 1 of the World Series.
Mahershala Ali as Jason Heyward
Once Mahershala grows a beard, he's the best Jason Heyward option there is. Plus, the dude just won an Oscar so why not ride the hot streak and put him as the role of the man who gave the most important speech in Chicago Cubs history?
Tony Hawk as Ben Zobrist
The skateboarding God not only looks like World Series MVP Ben Zobrist, he also carries some of that "small town charm" swagger with him that Zobrist has become so loved for. Plus you need a guy who's athletic enough to come dancing into the infield like a little sprite after the last out of Game 7 was recorded.
Leon Robinson as Aroldis Chapman
The man who played David Ruffin in "The Temptations" has to be the best call to play Game 7 winner Aroldis Chapman. I've actually never seen Robinson throw a baseball but I'm sure he'd do a great job at giving up a game-tying home run in the 8th inning and having all Cubs fans curse him out.
Martin Sheen as Joe Maddon
Slap some black glasses on Sheen and mess his hair up a little bit and I think you've found your Cubs skipper. I think Sheen may have to smoke some dope to get that calming demeanor that Maddon has but that's something I'm sure he'd be willing to do to get into the role.
C'mon, he's Charlie Sheen's father.
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Big shout-out to Period E for the input on the actors.Comments
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