Everything Is Completely OK With The Cubs, Just Perfect, Nothing Wrong At All...

I mean, where do you even begin? Let's just break down how everything is going great for the Cubs right now.

• They have a 1 game lead in the division after being up 5.5 games nine days ago
• Steve Cishek hasn't been good the past few weeks
• Carl Edwards Jr. can't throw strikes
• Justin Wilson might be the second or third most trusted reliever right now
• Brandon Morrow might or might not come back this season
• Jason Heyward might be back before September ends, maybe?
• Kyle Schwarber's back still hurts from his slide last week
• Jon Lester left his last start with back spasms, but says he's OK to pitch
• Addison Russell can't hit
• Willson Contreras hasn't hit for power since April
• Albert Almora Jr. is slow and also can't hit
• Javier Baez is slumping
• David Bote can't hit anymore
• Daniel Murphy keeps leading off even though it should be Ben Zobrist
• The offense is so bad that Tommy La Stella is starting at 3B today
• The bottom of the order has been absolutely horrendous
• MLB is making the Cubs fly to Washington D.C., where the mayor has declared a state of emergency BECAUSE THERE'S A DAMN HURRICANE ON THE WAY

See, everything is just going perfect for the Cubs. And by the way, things seem horrible now, but I'll still take the Cubs over anybody in the NL. Just, you know, win a couple games here to actually making that feeling more confident.