Just Accept It: The Bryce Harper Thing is Going To Drive You Insane

With the way the Bryce Harper news cycle is going, just know, it’s going to be a long couple of days till he slips on the cap and jersey of a new team. Hopefully, it’s going to be the Chicago White Sox, but we’ll see what pops off as leaks come out, and baseball men give their .02 on the subject for the 84th time this week. Where Harper will land is Lebron’s “The Decision” all over again, just without all of the douchiness...well, maybe. It’s stressful to be a White Sox fan right now, we’re so close to being a competitive team, but still have a year or two to go, depending on who’s ready to go all-in on Rick Hanh’s bid to bring the Good Guy’s back to prominence. For the first time in my 37 years, we’re actually trying to lock up relevant players in their prime vs. the old standby of “Kenny always gets his man,” even if that man is years past his best and slips on a black jersey to take one last swing at greatness (Manny Ramirez, Andruw Jones, Ken Griffey Jr, and Kevin Youkilis). Every White Sox diehard is scouring the media landscape, flipping through every news and gossip site while sitting on the train or the toilet, hoping to find a snippet that says Harper is leaning toward Chicago's South Side. All we can do is practice some Zen yoga, breathe, and wait. Harper is going to go where the check is the biggest. That’s a fact. Manny Machado is still out there, but his star was tarnished by his play in the postseason, and his “Johnny Hustle” comments. That kind of attitude wouldn’t fly well on the South Side, and it’s working class fanbase. While, we want a winner on the field, after those hard years in building, Machado would have to spackle on the charm to change the perception of a lazy dickhead to the guys sitting in the bleachers who weld steel in the winter buying those $8 beers on hot summer nights. White Sox fans will tolerate a lot of shit if you're a winner (See: Albert Belle, Carlton Fisk) but, if it ain't going our way, we'll dog you without mercy. It's just the nature of the Miller Lite swigging beast. We'd love to have him, but leave that attitude at the door, pal. On the other side of that, fans love Harper because he's always willing to sign or go the extra mile to connect with the base. Who cares if he likes to admire his home runs? Baseball could use a little WWE-style theatrics now and then.

All we can say from the cheap seats up here in fanboy land: just spend smart. Harper’s deal will be ugly and massive, and likely end up in that A-Rod territory where they had to unload him on the Yankees. A-Rod went to Texas because they were willing to pay for him, not because he believed in the future of the team. To be fair, A-Rod did beat the ever-loving piss out of the baseball for those three years down in Arlington. When the team was staying in the rankings basement, he had to go. The upside to that ugly contract will be that Harper is one of the faces of baseball. People who don’t even know the game know who that guy is. Casual fans and diehards alike love two things: guys who dominate on the mound and dude's who smack dingers into the seats. Harper most definitely smacks dingers and would have a field day in a hitters park like Comisky. Whatever team’s cap he dons will get attention in new ways from his new city to the national media, which the White Sox could use considering the blue monolith across town. If Harper is a bust and winds up in Philly and Machado ends up in New York as most predict, hopefully, Hahn and Jerry don’t overspend on players just to make a statement to the fanbase. Marwin Gonzales would be a treat, and an upgrade over everyday starter Tim Anderson, but worth a massive contract? Probably not. Zack Greinke is likely available, but the Diamondbacks would have to eat a massive part of that contract to the tune of $15M, and who knows what you’re getting because all signs point to Greinke being a total fucking weirdo (The dude has a no-trade clause for half of MLB and who can forget the autograph story?). Andrew McCutchen wouldn’t be bad, but those Pirates days are long gone. If he had any real juice left in the tank, San Francisco or the Yankees would have kept him. Could he be a stop-gap between developing outfielders? Sure, but Hahn has already pledged to let the kids play rather than sign an over the hill guy to a two- or three-year contract. There’s a lot to go over with a magnifying glass when it comes to the hot stove and where the White Sox could land. We could make a big splash, or stay relatively quiet, who knows. But, we can all agree this Bryce Harper thing is stressful, so someone, please pass the Rolaids because it’s going to be a long few days till the manager’s meetings are over out in Vegas.